Debunking: Forgiving is Forgetting

“Forgive and Forget.” That’s what we were taught as children growing up. But there’s something wrong with that adage. Forgive? Yes, absolutely. Forget? That’s another matter, altogether.
First of all, it’s impossible to ever completely forget something that’s happened to you. Yes, you can get to the point where it doesn’t cross your mind very often. But if someone or something triggers that memory, it will still be there. It’s impossible to ever truly forget something.
However, there’s an even greater reason why we should reject the adage, “Forgive and forget.” Some things shouldn’t be forgotten. You see, if we forget the wrong that someone has done to us, that implies we are trusting them to not wrong us again in the future. We are acting as if they’ve never given us a reason not to trust them. However, in many cases, this is not true.
It is true that we can occasionally screw up and do things we normally wouldn’t do. In such circumstances, it may very well be a one-time offense—something we would not ever do again.
But let’s face it. We are creatures of habit. If you’ve done something to wrong me, there’s a chance you may do it again in the future. If it’s something you’ve done several times in the past, it’s very likely you will do it again. You’ve established a pattern of behavior. In such a situation, I can and must forgive you, because God commands me to forgive you. But I should not be so naïve as to blindly trust that you’ll never do it again.
Thirdly, God forgives, but He doesn’t forget. Additionally, He doesn’t want us to forget. There are several passages in the Bible in which God calls us to remembrance of what He’s saved us from. I Corinthians 6:9-11 says, “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, not thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”
Notice how Paul reminds his readers of what their lives used to be like. He says, “And such were some of you.” Paul had known these people. He had led a number of them to the Lord. He knew what their lives had been like before they got saved. He had not forgotten. God had not forgotten. And under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, he gives them a gentle reminder, so they will not forget.
Peter does the same thing when he writes, “As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct” (I Peter 1:14-15). Notice his reference to our “former ignorance.”
Here, we should note the reason for such reminders. It is not to shame us. God doesn’t want the memory of our past to cause us to hang our heads and be burdened with guilt. The reminders are there to warn us not to go back to the old way of life. The reminders of our past sins are intended to motivate us to pursue holiness in all our conduct.
Suppose God did forgive and forget—then what? As pastor Wil pointed out on Sunday, it would diminish the grace and mercy of God. For every time we sin would be like the first time we ever sinned. We could live our whole lives, and it would be as if God had only forgiven us of one sin. From our perspective, one sin is easy to forgive, even for Peter, who was willing to forgive someone up to seven times.
But God’s grace is magnified in that He forgives us again and again and again and again (how many “again”s do we need?). We can look back over our lives and marvel at how many times He has forgiven us. We would not be able to do this if God forgave and forgot.
I had to chuckle, because as Wil started his sermon, I thought of a saying my mom taught me several years ago. Then, we found out she had recently shared it with him. It’s not always easy to live by, but the saying is true: “Forgiving is not forgetting. It is remembering and letting go.” Letting go of the hurt. Letting go of the pain. Letting go of the resentment. Letting go of the right to get even.
And why should we forgive? Ephesians 4:32 says it best. “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” God is the Judge. Whenever a wrong is done, God is the one who is truly offended, not us. So when we recognize and remember what He’s forgiven us for, we realize we have no right to refuse to forgive someone else.

QUESTIONS FOR STUDY & REFLECTIONS

1. How easy (or hard) is it for me to forgive someone when they have offended me?


2. What is the greatest hindrance to my ability to forgive?


3. On what basis am I required to forgive other people? Do I have a full understanding and appreciation of God’s forgiveness?