I think we’ve all heard of someone who gets caught up in some illegal (or at least immoral) behavior that becomes habitual. He/she goes to see a psychologist to figure out what is causing this behavior. And how many times have we heard of such a person coming out of the psychologist’s office, saying, “It was my parents’ fault,” “My dad was never there for me,” “My mom wasn’t very nurturing,” or perhaps even, “They forced their religion on me”?
Our society has taught us, to some extent, to blame our deep-seated problems on our parents. Why? Because we don’t want to take responsibility for our own actions.
Be that as it may, one side effect of this kind of thinking is that we place a strong emphasis on proper parenting. And we should. Parents do indeed have a God-given responsibility to raise their children properly. We certainly do not want to diminish that in any way.
However, when a child chooses the wrong path in life, blame is quickly laid at the feet of the parents, even when they’ve done everything they could to teach their son or daughter to not make those wrong choices in life.
In addition, even if that son or daughter is not blaming his/her parents, the parents sometimes blame themselves and wonder, “What did we do wrong?”
Whether it be the child blaming the parents or the parents blaming themselves, this all blows away the myth that a Christian home guarantees Christian children. And what Pastor John taught us this week is that, even if you could be the perfect parent, it wouldn’t guarantee that your children will grow up to be the people you want them to be.
What this all points to is what theologians call the Sin Nature—that part of our being that creates within us the inherent bent toward disobedience to God and, in many cases, to authority. And the Sin Nature lives within each and every one of us.
What parents need to remember as they are raising their children is that, as important as it is to teach them to obey the rules and do the right thing, all the right teaching in the world cannot override or counteract the Sin Nature. It can hold certain types of behavior in check. But it cannot keep your children from at least occasionally doing the wrong thing.
For this reason, what children need, more than proper moral training, is the gospel. For it is only in the benefits of salvation and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit that we can overcome the Sin Nature.
Let us be certain of this: Being a Christian does not mean that you will never sin again. The Sin Nature is not eradicated when you become a Christian. However, the Holy Spirit who indwells the Christian gives him/her the ability to obey God rather than the Sin Nature, if and whenever the individual chooses to submit to Him.
This is why, for the Christian, every aspect of life must be centered around and rooted in the gospel. This is no more true than in the home. Our relationships within the home are designed by God to represent and reflect our relationship with Him.
Ephesians 5:22-6:4 teaches about this, beginning with the relationship between the husband and the wife. On Sunday, PJ did an excellent job of stating that exemplifying the gospel for your children begins with having a strong marriage. For Eph. 5:25 tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the Church. In addition, verse 22 instructs wives to submit to their husbands as they would submit to the Lord.
These two commandments illustrate that the relationship between husband and wife is to depict the relationship between Christ and the Church. And indeed, Revelation 19:7-8 explicitly speaks of the Church as the bride of Christ.
As for the relationship between parents and children, the analogy is even clearer for many of us. For do we not call God our Father? Do not such passages as John 1:12-13 say that we are the children of God?
For this reason, parents ought to deal with their children as God deals with us, particularly when we disobey Him. And how does He deal with us? To be certain there are always certain consequences we must suffer. And sometimes those consequences are more severe than at other times. But God is always gracious and forgiving. He never stops loving us. He never refuses to forgive us. We don’t even have to “earn” His forgiveness by promising to do better in the future. Besides, He knows it’s a promise we can’t keep.
QUESTIONS FOR STUDY AND APPLICATION
1. Read Ephesians 5:22-6:4. How do the roles and responsibilities of each member of the family relate to and illustrate our relationship to God and to Jesus Christ?
2. What does this passage teach us about the character of God?
3. Read Proverbs 22:6. Since this is a general principle, rather than a specific promise, what measure of confidence can you have in it being fulfilled in your family? If you do not see it come about in your family, how will that affect your faith?
Friday, October 21, 2011
Friday, October 14, 2011
Debunking: God Wants You to Be Happy
I used to be married. Naturally, this means I no longer am. I remember one day, as my marriage was falling apart, my wife told me that God wanted her to divorce me, because God wanted her to be happy. And I wasn’t making her happy.
Now, America’s Declaration of Independence states that when God created us, He endowed us with three rights: life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. However, what we often fail to realize is that, while we have the right to pursue happiness, God does not guarantee that we will obtain it. In fact, I would maintain that there are times when God does things to assure that we do not obtain happiness. But why?
Too often we turn to the wrong things to make us happy. Some think they will find happiness in a bottle or a needle. Single people often think they will find happiness in marriage. Married people sometimes pine for the day when they were single. Some think they will find happiness in extra-marital affairs or a series of lovers. Some attach happiness to the success of their favorite sports team
It should be noted that some of the activities we engage in as we pursue happiness are not inherently sinful. Certainly, being married is not a sin. Nor is being single. There’s nothing wrong with rooting for your favorite team to do well (Unless your favorite team is either the Dallas Cowboys or the New York Yankees). Even an occasional drink is okay, as long as you don’t get drunk.
The problem is when we pursue these things out of a selfish desire for happiness. Such selfishness is inherently sinful, and God will not bless it. Additionally, such things provide momentary happiness, at best. Whatever joy or happiness we find in them does not last very long, because they were never intended to give us lasting happiness. Hence, when the happiness wears out, we are quick to pursue the next object or activity that we think will make us happy.
Note that we move on, not to what will make us happy, but to what we think will make us happy. Herein we see the error of our thinking. We search for happiness in all the wrong ways and all the wrong places.
God’s desire for our happiness is predicated on our relationship with Him and our obedience to His will. If our relationship is either stagnant or nonexistent, and if we are not living according to His precepts, then He has a way of making sure that the happiness we seek eludes us. The pleasure expected from that wild party or that inappropriate relationship just won’t be there. The ballgame will turn out to be boring. The new gadget won’t work right, causing us frustration. Even within marriage, we will become disillusioned and look for a way out.
What God desires for us is not so much that we would be happy, but that we would be holy. I Thessalonians 4:3 says, “For this is the will of God, your sanctification.”
In his sermon this week, PJ told us that God’s desire is that we would be blessed, rather than happy. In making this point, he turned to the beatitudes from Matthew 5. “Blessed are the poor in spirit…Blessed are those who mourn…Blessed are the meek…”
Now, what is the connection between what Jesus said in Matthew 5 and what Paul wrote in I Thess. 4:3? Those who are holy are poor in spirit. They are people who mourn over the sins they’ve committed, having a desire to no longer sin. People who are holy are also meek. In short, the beatitudes give us a general description of what it means to be holy. The same could be said of Galatians 5:22-23, which describes the fruit of the Spirit. And people who exhibit these characteristics are blessed by God.
The one irony to point out here is that, while we are debunking the myth that says, “God wants you to be happy,” the word “blessed,” which Jesus uses in Matt. 5, essentially means to be happy. This leads to the question, if to be blessed is to be happy, then what is wrong with the statement that God wants us to be happy?
Again, everything points back to motive and the attitude of our hearts. God does want us to be happy. But He wants us to be happy in Him.
QUESTIONS FOR STUDY AND APPLICATION
1. Read both Matthew 5:3-10 and Galatians 5:22-23. What types of connection can you make between these two passages?
2. From Matthew 5, which of the beatitudes speaks most meaningfully to you?
3. What do you predominantly turn to in your pursuit of happiness? How are you selfish in the ways you seek happiness? Is there a more appropriate way to engage in these same activities, or are they things that you need to give up altogether?
Now, America’s Declaration of Independence states that when God created us, He endowed us with three rights: life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. However, what we often fail to realize is that, while we have the right to pursue happiness, God does not guarantee that we will obtain it. In fact, I would maintain that there are times when God does things to assure that we do not obtain happiness. But why?
Too often we turn to the wrong things to make us happy. Some think they will find happiness in a bottle or a needle. Single people often think they will find happiness in marriage. Married people sometimes pine for the day when they were single. Some think they will find happiness in extra-marital affairs or a series of lovers. Some attach happiness to the success of their favorite sports team
It should be noted that some of the activities we engage in as we pursue happiness are not inherently sinful. Certainly, being married is not a sin. Nor is being single. There’s nothing wrong with rooting for your favorite team to do well (Unless your favorite team is either the Dallas Cowboys or the New York Yankees). Even an occasional drink is okay, as long as you don’t get drunk.
The problem is when we pursue these things out of a selfish desire for happiness. Such selfishness is inherently sinful, and God will not bless it. Additionally, such things provide momentary happiness, at best. Whatever joy or happiness we find in them does not last very long, because they were never intended to give us lasting happiness. Hence, when the happiness wears out, we are quick to pursue the next object or activity that we think will make us happy.
Note that we move on, not to what will make us happy, but to what we think will make us happy. Herein we see the error of our thinking. We search for happiness in all the wrong ways and all the wrong places.
God’s desire for our happiness is predicated on our relationship with Him and our obedience to His will. If our relationship is either stagnant or nonexistent, and if we are not living according to His precepts, then He has a way of making sure that the happiness we seek eludes us. The pleasure expected from that wild party or that inappropriate relationship just won’t be there. The ballgame will turn out to be boring. The new gadget won’t work right, causing us frustration. Even within marriage, we will become disillusioned and look for a way out.
What God desires for us is not so much that we would be happy, but that we would be holy. I Thessalonians 4:3 says, “For this is the will of God, your sanctification.”
In his sermon this week, PJ told us that God’s desire is that we would be blessed, rather than happy. In making this point, he turned to the beatitudes from Matthew 5. “Blessed are the poor in spirit…Blessed are those who mourn…Blessed are the meek…”
Now, what is the connection between what Jesus said in Matthew 5 and what Paul wrote in I Thess. 4:3? Those who are holy are poor in spirit. They are people who mourn over the sins they’ve committed, having a desire to no longer sin. People who are holy are also meek. In short, the beatitudes give us a general description of what it means to be holy. The same could be said of Galatians 5:22-23, which describes the fruit of the Spirit. And people who exhibit these characteristics are blessed by God.
The one irony to point out here is that, while we are debunking the myth that says, “God wants you to be happy,” the word “blessed,” which Jesus uses in Matt. 5, essentially means to be happy. This leads to the question, if to be blessed is to be happy, then what is wrong with the statement that God wants us to be happy?
Again, everything points back to motive and the attitude of our hearts. God does want us to be happy. But He wants us to be happy in Him.
QUESTIONS FOR STUDY AND APPLICATION
1. Read both Matthew 5:3-10 and Galatians 5:22-23. What types of connection can you make between these two passages?
2. From Matthew 5, which of the beatitudes speaks most meaningfully to you?
3. What do you predominantly turn to in your pursuit of happiness? How are you selfish in the ways you seek happiness? Is there a more appropriate way to engage in these same activities, or are they things that you need to give up altogether?
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Debunking: Forgiving is Forgetting
“Forgive and Forget.” That’s what we were taught as children growing up. But there’s something wrong with that adage. Forgive? Yes, absolutely. Forget? That’s another matter, altogether.
First of all, it’s impossible to ever completely forget something that’s happened to you. Yes, you can get to the point where it doesn’t cross your mind very often. But if someone or something triggers that memory, it will still be there. It’s impossible to ever truly forget something.
However, there’s an even greater reason why we should reject the adage, “Forgive and forget.” Some things shouldn’t be forgotten. You see, if we forget the wrong that someone has done to us, that implies we are trusting them to not wrong us again in the future. We are acting as if they’ve never given us a reason not to trust them. However, in many cases, this is not true.
It is true that we can occasionally screw up and do things we normally wouldn’t do. In such circumstances, it may very well be a one-time offense—something we would not ever do again.
But let’s face it. We are creatures of habit. If you’ve done something to wrong me, there’s a chance you may do it again in the future. If it’s something you’ve done several times in the past, it’s very likely you will do it again. You’ve established a pattern of behavior. In such a situation, I can and must forgive you, because God commands me to forgive you. But I should not be so naïve as to blindly trust that you’ll never do it again.
Thirdly, God forgives, but He doesn’t forget. Additionally, He doesn’t want us to forget. There are several passages in the Bible in which God calls us to remembrance of what He’s saved us from. I Corinthians 6:9-11 says, “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, not thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”
Notice how Paul reminds his readers of what their lives used to be like. He says, “And such were some of you.” Paul had known these people. He had led a number of them to the Lord. He knew what their lives had been like before they got saved. He had not forgotten. God had not forgotten. And under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, he gives them a gentle reminder, so they will not forget.
Peter does the same thing when he writes, “As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct” (I Peter 1:14-15). Notice his reference to our “former ignorance.”
Here, we should note the reason for such reminders. It is not to shame us. God doesn’t want the memory of our past to cause us to hang our heads and be burdened with guilt. The reminders are there to warn us not to go back to the old way of life. The reminders of our past sins are intended to motivate us to pursue holiness in all our conduct.
Suppose God did forgive and forget—then what? As pastor Wil pointed out on Sunday, it would diminish the grace and mercy of God. For every time we sin would be like the first time we ever sinned. We could live our whole lives, and it would be as if God had only forgiven us of one sin. From our perspective, one sin is easy to forgive, even for Peter, who was willing to forgive someone up to seven times.
But God’s grace is magnified in that He forgives us again and again and again and again (how many “again”s do we need?). We can look back over our lives and marvel at how many times He has forgiven us. We would not be able to do this if God forgave and forgot.
I had to chuckle, because as Wil started his sermon, I thought of a saying my mom taught me several years ago. Then, we found out she had recently shared it with him. It’s not always easy to live by, but the saying is true: “Forgiving is not forgetting. It is remembering and letting go.” Letting go of the hurt. Letting go of the pain. Letting go of the resentment. Letting go of the right to get even.
And why should we forgive? Ephesians 4:32 says it best. “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” God is the Judge. Whenever a wrong is done, God is the one who is truly offended, not us. So when we recognize and remember what He’s forgiven us for, we realize we have no right to refuse to forgive someone else.
QUESTIONS FOR STUDY & REFLECTIONS
1. How easy (or hard) is it for me to forgive someone when they have offended me?
2. What is the greatest hindrance to my ability to forgive?
3. On what basis am I required to forgive other people? Do I have a full understanding and appreciation of God’s forgiveness?
First of all, it’s impossible to ever completely forget something that’s happened to you. Yes, you can get to the point where it doesn’t cross your mind very often. But if someone or something triggers that memory, it will still be there. It’s impossible to ever truly forget something.
However, there’s an even greater reason why we should reject the adage, “Forgive and forget.” Some things shouldn’t be forgotten. You see, if we forget the wrong that someone has done to us, that implies we are trusting them to not wrong us again in the future. We are acting as if they’ve never given us a reason not to trust them. However, in many cases, this is not true.
It is true that we can occasionally screw up and do things we normally wouldn’t do. In such circumstances, it may very well be a one-time offense—something we would not ever do again.
But let’s face it. We are creatures of habit. If you’ve done something to wrong me, there’s a chance you may do it again in the future. If it’s something you’ve done several times in the past, it’s very likely you will do it again. You’ve established a pattern of behavior. In such a situation, I can and must forgive you, because God commands me to forgive you. But I should not be so naïve as to blindly trust that you’ll never do it again.
Thirdly, God forgives, but He doesn’t forget. Additionally, He doesn’t want us to forget. There are several passages in the Bible in which God calls us to remembrance of what He’s saved us from. I Corinthians 6:9-11 says, “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, not thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”
Notice how Paul reminds his readers of what their lives used to be like. He says, “And such were some of you.” Paul had known these people. He had led a number of them to the Lord. He knew what their lives had been like before they got saved. He had not forgotten. God had not forgotten. And under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, he gives them a gentle reminder, so they will not forget.
Peter does the same thing when he writes, “As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct” (I Peter 1:14-15). Notice his reference to our “former ignorance.”
Here, we should note the reason for such reminders. It is not to shame us. God doesn’t want the memory of our past to cause us to hang our heads and be burdened with guilt. The reminders are there to warn us not to go back to the old way of life. The reminders of our past sins are intended to motivate us to pursue holiness in all our conduct.
Suppose God did forgive and forget—then what? As pastor Wil pointed out on Sunday, it would diminish the grace and mercy of God. For every time we sin would be like the first time we ever sinned. We could live our whole lives, and it would be as if God had only forgiven us of one sin. From our perspective, one sin is easy to forgive, even for Peter, who was willing to forgive someone up to seven times.
But God’s grace is magnified in that He forgives us again and again and again and again (how many “again”s do we need?). We can look back over our lives and marvel at how many times He has forgiven us. We would not be able to do this if God forgave and forgot.
I had to chuckle, because as Wil started his sermon, I thought of a saying my mom taught me several years ago. Then, we found out she had recently shared it with him. It’s not always easy to live by, but the saying is true: “Forgiving is not forgetting. It is remembering and letting go.” Letting go of the hurt. Letting go of the pain. Letting go of the resentment. Letting go of the right to get even.
And why should we forgive? Ephesians 4:32 says it best. “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” God is the Judge. Whenever a wrong is done, God is the one who is truly offended, not us. So when we recognize and remember what He’s forgiven us for, we realize we have no right to refuse to forgive someone else.
QUESTIONS FOR STUDY & REFLECTIONS
1. How easy (or hard) is it for me to forgive someone when they have offended me?
2. What is the greatest hindrance to my ability to forgive?
3. On what basis am I required to forgive other people? Do I have a full understanding and appreciation of God’s forgiveness?
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